Session 2

Date
May 18, 2018

Dangarnon
Legally Classified reunited with Governor Lorgar Clembor outside the Temple, who was extremely surprised to see that the team of adventurers had retrieved the Red Tanzanite Stone within a matter of (what appeared to be) seconds. The town was winding down for the night as the sun set, and the town was even more conspicuously empty as the majority of the populace marched south towards the City of the Dead.

Although it was fairly late, Legally Classified elected to go with Thalmor to a local tavern. Ronfar ordered an ale and some rabbit, and Darwin confirmed that nothing in the tavern was poisoned or diseased. The tavern was sparsely populated with two Dragonborn bartenders and three bandaged, bulky human men.

Ayda attempted to sneak past the three human men sitting at the table, but alerted them to her presence bumping into a chair. One of the men introduced themselves as "Bob." Meanwhile, Thalmor ordered literally an entire pig and just went to town on that thing. Ronfar and Ignan spoke with Thalmor.

Ayda and Ha! overheard the Bob say "I can't believe we got away with this..." which drew their suspicions. Ayda and Ha! began a conspicuous poker game with high stakes (funded by Ayda's deep pockets). They convinced Bob to join the game with a combination of some charm magic, some inspiration, and some caaaash. Bob joined the game, and the crew noticed a conspicuous cast on his leg. While they did not uncover the scam these men appeared to be pulling, Ayda slyly stepped on the man's foot and identified that it was clearly not injured.

Darwin continued to burn spell slots and enveloped himself, Ayda, and Ha! in shadows as they passed without a trace to track the three humans to another tavern. Upon reaching them, they determined that their bandages and casts were fake in order to dodge the military draft.

Legally Classified returned to Toral Castle to turn in for the night. Ha! stole three silver spoons, to Darwin's mild disapproval.

The Aurelias Castle
The Legally Classified team left Dangarnon en route to Westwend, with a hearty "Hail Vittoria!" farewell from Ha! in broken Draconic that was kindly returned by the city dwellers. They travelled across the river and arrived at an elegant castle surrounded by waterfalls. Ha! scouted ahead, and noticed two figures leaving the castle, and determined this to be some sort of residence.

Legally classified knocked on the door and were greeted by a stoic (and objectively horrifying) figure. Ayda turned to leave immediately. Ronfar thought on his feet and brought the good word of Palor to the armored figure. In response, the figure asked if the group of adventurers had an appointment. Ha! quickly answered "...yes!" and the group was permitted entry.

Ignan began shuffling through the books, haphazardly tossing them on the floor. Ayda perused the bookshelves as well, while attempting to return the floor-books to their rightful places. Together, they identified some relatively unremarkable history books written in common and some old spellbooks. Ayda noticed a Federation Guard walking through the hallways.

The Legally Classified were greeted by a female human dressed in high fashion. She was suspicious of the group intially, but eventually introduced herself as Princess Aurelias, descendant of the human king Marcus Aurelias. Legally Classified attempted to convince Princess Aurelias to reveal what the mysterious "appointments" were related to, but she maintained secrecy.

Princess Aurelias became interested in Ha! and asked him what he does for a living, and he eagerly admitted that he was the "famous" pirate Goldwing and bowed with a flourish of his decorated wings. She asked if they were his "Booty People" to which Ha! laughed and said that these Booty People were not members of his pirate crew. Princess Aurelias became suddenly more interested in Ha! and openly offered some of her extensive treasures to Ha!, which he rebuffed without hesitation. However, suddenly, Ha! became much more interested in the gold and jewelry she was offering, and followed the princess in a daze past the guards.

Around twenty minutes passed, and the Booty People inquired as to where their companion went - but they were ignored by the two guards who blocked their path. Ignan barged through and was struck by one of the guards. After a successful "Hold Person" executed by Ayda, the Booty People headed straight down the stairs of the castle.

Darwin opened the center door of the landing which opened into a dark hallway. Upon lighting a torch, he was greeted by the disembodied heads of a Tiefling with two different horns and an Aarakocra with a jeweled beak on either side of the hallway walls. Reluctantly, the Booty People progressed down the hallway towards some light mumbling in the distance about "...gold..."

The Legally Classified arrived to a room adorned with taxidermied Aarakocra wings and other goulish, unique humanoid body parts filling the walls alongside pristine surgical tools. In the center of this room lay a dazed, charmed, and bound Ha! on a surgical table, mumbling about ear chains. Darwin released Ha! from his binds, but Ha! remained reluctant to leave, insisting that "she would be right back."

Soon, this statement was fulfilled, as Princess Aurelia (in elegant, high-fashion robes) entered the room flanked by two guards. Darwin instantly cast Moonbeam on the princess and her guards. Princess Aurelia appeared to dispel the guards, and despite being burned by the spell, Princess Aurelia did not seem affected at all by the damage (and the wispy white flames made her look - unfortunately - even sexier).

Ha! slowly broke out of his trance - as soon as the spell wore off, he BOLTED out of the castle and flew off into the distance. The remainder of the Booty People ran out of the castle, except for Ronfar who sauntered out mumbling about the dangers of entering creepy castles.

The Booty People ran into Thalmor at the entrance of the castle, and earnestly tried to convince him of the horrors of the Aurelias Castle. Thalmor remained relatively unconvinced, despite Ayda's earnest:"'SHE'S GONNA BEDAZZLE YOUR DICK OR SOMETHING'"Darwin's hyper-realistic illustrations finally convinced Thalmor to send an owl to the authorities explaining the atrocities encountered in the Aurelias Castle. The Booty People continued onwards to Westwend.

Thelen Castle
The Legally Classified enter the pristine city of the elves. Ronfar is a bit grouchier in Westwend, as he claims:"'The elves are a fine people. But... they don’t drink.'"Ha! eagerly looks for street urchins to teach him elven swears, but unfortunately identifies none. Ronfar and Ayda agree to teach Ha! some explicit phrases in Elvish. Ayda teaches him "Fuck." Ronfar teaches him "Twig Dick."

The group of adventures enter the governor's castle, and are greeted by Governor Varda Thelen, a 1,300 year-old female elf who has been Governor of Westwend for the past 500 years. She acknowledges Ayda and Ronfar warmly, as they had all been previously acquainted. She introduces herself to the rest of the Booty People. She is seated in the main hall, flanked by two enormous, extravagant statues of the first monarch and the most beloved monarch.

Ayda warns Governor Thelen about her sadistic neighbor to the North. Governor Thelen does not appear to appreciate the gravity of the accusation, but does admit that she always found Princess Aurelias to be a bit "weird." Governor Thelen comments on Ayda's strange taste in men, and The Legally Classified all individually make it ABUNDANTLY clear that absolutely none of them are dating Ignan.

Governor Thelen escorts each member of Legally Classified to their separate rooms, due to the fact that NO ONE is dating Ignan. Not one. Nobody in the group is dating Ignan.

First Challenge
The next morning, Governor Thelen escorts them to an unassuming room that seems as if it has been untouched for thousands of years. Thalmor confirms that it is forbidden for civilians to enter and seek the stones. Before Legally Classified has an opportunity to investigate the open door in the room, Ignan jumps into the pool of water. The remainder of the Booty People watch as the bubbles in the pool of water at the center of the room suddenly disappear.

Darwin decides to follow Ignan; however, Darwin first removes his clothes and equipment and ties a rope around his waist. Darwin enters the water while Ayda, Ha!, and Ronfar hold the rope. Soon, there is a powerful force pulling on the other end of the rope, and Ayda almost falls into the pond - although Ronfar holds fast. When hope seems lost, Ayda lets go of the rope, creates gills, and jumps into the pool.

Ronfar is adamant about not entering the pool. He can't swim and is wearing full plate armor. Ronfar and Ha! investigate the room while their adventuring party is missing in the murky pool of water. Eventually, the twosome convince Thalmor to give them some vials of waterbreathing. Ha! quickly enters the pool, eventually followed by an extremely reluctant Ronfar.

Second Challenge
The Legally Classifed are pulled downward by a mysterious force in the pool, and are eventually dumped unceremoniously onto dry ground. Darwin is a bit of a sorry sight sopping wet in his underpants with nothing but a hand-axe. He asks Ha! and Ronfar if they brought his equipment with them. They did not.

The Legally Classified walk through the passageway into a room that is completely empty aside from a chair and table with an Elven Strategy Game set-up on top. Ayda is very familiar with this game - when she sits down to play, a Displacer Beast appears in the room. Ayda and Ignan handily win the game while the other Booty People take down the Displacer Beasts (and with them - some of the game pieces).

Third Challenge
Legally Classified enter into a dusty stadium that appears to be a circus for chariot races. Ayda again is familiar with this custom - and knows that they always end in bloodshed. Nothing happens for a significant amount of time - and Legally Classified holds an impromptu footrace. The now-aerodynamic Darwin easily takes the win.

Suddenly, the stadium seats fill with ghostly elven figures and what appear to be two members of elven royalty. The ghostly figures mingle and announce the start of the chariot games. Three elves riding horse-drawn chariots enter the circus and encircle the party.

Ha! uses his silver spoons to cause a discordant melody and frighten one elf off his chariot - while a canvas bag filled with one thousand ball bearings eliminates another. Ignan throws a thunder stone at the third elf and efficiently ejects the last rider from his chariot. Two of the horses run from the circus and Legally Classified appears to have the upper hand. The crowd in the stadium and the royal elves do not seem pleased - so the queen heightens the drama by transforming the third horse into a Nightmare.

Ayda successfully attempts to ride the Nightmare, although she admits the experience was "not as fun as expected" when the Nightmare subsequently tramples Darwin with its hooves. Teamwork and some well-placed magic missiles win the day as the Nightmare is snuffed out.

The queen elf rises above the circus as the Booty People collectively flip off her spectral form. The queen elf transforms into the White Tanzanite Stone.

Immediately upon retrieving the White Tanzanite Stone, the chamber begins to fill with water. Heavily-Armored Ronfar sighs humorlessly as he stays firmly planted underwater. Ignan throws thunder stones to propel Ronfar to the surface while Darwin ties a rope around his waist. Eventually, the collective strength of the Booty People pull a cantankerous, sputtering Ronfar to the surface.